Before The Dark
by Devilslawyer123
Summary: sequal to HELPLESS: the wedding is approaching quickly and bella is calm. edward, though, has a secret he doesn't want to reveal... will he tell bella? or will he try and solve it his own way? will bella be left heartbroken...again? R&R! bad at sumz!
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

**A/N: ok, so here's the sequel to HELPLESS! Beware, this chapter could get a little steamy and if anyone has ideas of what I could call this other than BFORE THE DAWN please PM me!! Otherwise, it would sound so much like BREAKING DAWN by Stephanie Meyer. For those who don't know already, breaking dawn is the last book of the Twilight series cry Sigh and it's coming out on August 2!!**

**Anyway, here's the chapter and review please!!**

**CHAPTER 1**

We had to tell Charlie SOMEHOW. Even though he was out of town and _in love with_ some bitchy secretary or whatever, he was still my father. And I knew he wouldn't approve of our marriage.

But here I was, trying dress after dress for my wedding with Alice fussing over me and Rosalie glaring and shaking her head. She was SUCH a cow sometimes! Edward kept fighting with her because she couldn't understand why I was staying with the Cullen's instead of finding my own coven.

I didn't blame her. I mean, I WAS entering her family with no worries whatsoever.

Still, couldn't she be a little nice to me occasionally?

Apparently not.

"I _told _you Alice! I am NOT wearing something like a fricking _princess dress_, OK? I want it to be simple, not with a massive skirt. How about this one?" I asked, pulling out a beautiful white dress. It was plain and simple. A bodice with lace, a sleek satin skirt, and soft veil thingy to go over my shoulders to cover the open back.

Alice wrinkled her nose and raised an eyebrow, "Bella! You're getting married in WINTER, OK? When it snows or most probably rains! This is going to get _ruined_." She fumed.

"Oh, and a ball like gown dress is not going to get dirty?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Yeah, well . . . OH! How about this one?" she squealed. She pulled out a white dress – duh! - But this one had black lace at the bottom and the bodice was adorned with small black and white pearls all the way down. With it came a full length red velvet coat with a hood, fur covering the bottom the edge of the hood and the sleeve ends.

It was utterly gorgeous.

"Oh My God." I said, using my unfailing technique of making the words sound like they had capitals.

"I _know _right?" Alice squealed. She pressed it against my body and said, "It looks FANTASTIC on you, Bella! Go try it on!" I did as she said and came out a few minutes later wearing the gorgeous dress.

"Bella! You HAVE to get it!" she squealed, "Doesn't she look beautiful, Rose?" she turned her head to see Rosalie's response. The girls eyes narrowed and she stalked out of the shop. Rosalie was a beautiful blonde-haired woman, her hair wavy when it reached mid back. She had topaz eyes just like the rest of the Cullen family, and she looked like a model.

I felt a little disappointed when I saw her stalk off like that. What had I done?

"You haven't done anything, Bella. She doesn't stand a chance now that you're on the scene. You are WAY more beautiful." Alice read my mind easily, not like when I was human. I had to try to keep my thoughts under control.

"Huh." Was my response.

"Let's buy it, then!" Alice said, gesturing to the dress.

That's when I saw the price tag.

I had 2000 on me and it wasn't enough. This dress cost 30.000.

"It's too much." I groaned from behind the curtain. When I came out wearing my normal clothes, I threw the dress back on the rack.

"So? Bella, I got a CREDIT CARD. _And _it has 60.000 already on it. I'll pay for the dress and you'll pay for the shoes." She shrugged and took the dress, walking quickly t the counter where she flirted outrageously with the clerk.

"Jasper is soooo going to be mad at you for this!" I laughed as we walked out of the shop, the dress wrapped safely in a white box with the name _Beautiful Brides _printed on it in gold, swirly letters.

"Mmm, I'd like to see him try." She laughed back.

The shoes had to wait for tomorrow because Edward had phoned Alice saying, and I quote "Stop corrupting my fiancée! She's too much like you already." And hung up. That was out cue to get home or he'll come looking for us with Emmett.

Rosalie was waiting in the car as I dropped the box in the back seats and crawled in after it. Edward had bought Alice a sweet yellow Porsche that she loved so much. It was a 'birthday' gift.

Yeah right.

Rosalie was silent for the whole drive back and I kept worrying that I had done something wrong. I knew she had a soft spot for Edward, but did she have to be so MEAN?

It was dark and raining – welcome to Forks! – By the time, we got home. Edward was waiting for me in our room.

"Can I see?" he asked in that velvet voice.

"No. it's unlucky to see the dress before the wedding." I giggled, stuffing the box under all our clothes in the wardrobe. I knew he wouldn't go see.

He chuckled before grabbing my waist and pressing me against his hard chest.

"I thought that it was unlucky to see the bride before the ceremony." He whispered, his sweet breath tickling my ear.

"Both. Marriage is very complicated and many things bring bad luck." He pressed his lips against mine, and it was one of those kisses that I felt all the way down to my toes. He moved his lips to my neck and slid his hands under my top. I ran my hands through his hair and shivered at his touch. The family was out of town now because they went hunting, and I could finally have Edward all to myself… when I became a vampire, I had mixed powers: Foreseeing, reading minds, sensing danger, blocking powers, torture . . . when Edward had changed me and I had whispered those words he later told me made him so happy – Edward you bastard – I actually twisted his mind round so he could've seen what would've happened if I had died. I still haven't figured out what happens after sunset, when my senses go haywire . . .

Edward guided me slowly to the bed, where I felt the edge of it banging against my knees and I fell back on the big bed. Edward lay on top of me a minute later, breathing heavy and his lips and hands everywhere.

As he slid my top off pf my shoulders, I kissed his neck and . . .


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

**CHAPTER 2**

**EPOV**

Bella had been torturing me when she was human, and she was able to do it now, without using her unusual powers. Her kisses made me want to do things a person my age would have done a hundred or so years ago.

We could now do these things without me fearing I would lose my control, and without her worrying about pushing me over the boundaries I had built. She was so easy to read! It was amusing and frustrating at the same moment. When she was human, I would content myself by trying to decipher what she was thinking, and now that she was a vampire, she had to train to keep her thoughts under control.

Thank heaven I was the only one in the family that could read minds, whilst some of her thoughts were amusing, others were quite . . . _tempting _I believe is the word to describe her jumbled thoughts. Bella was still trying to understand the process of when she should feed. I never wanted her to see me hunting, but now Carlisle had put me in charge of helping her. She never knew what to do and how to do and no matter how many times I told her that it came out naturally, she always seemed on the verge of tears.

Except we don't cry.

After a thousand kisses and an hour later, while I was brushing the hair out of Bella seemed to be lost in though.

"What are you thinking of?" I asked. Right now, her thoughts were all over the place and I couldn't understand what had mad her so quiet. Usually after we mad love she would fall asleep or go for a shower, but when she came out or awoke, she was always happy and bubbly with laughter and things to tell.

"Stuff. Right and wrong, actually." this surprised me.

"What do you mean, right or wrong?" I enquired, my fingers moving automatically to trace the outline of her lips.

Sighing, she flipped over so she was supported by her elbow, one hand on the side of her face while the other traced the words 'I love you' on my chest.

"What I mean is I'm scared. I know Charlie won't be happy abut us, and I know he'll notice the change in me. I'm scared that something might go wrong and you'll . . . leave." She whispered the last word, and if she were human, she would've blushed the colour rising to her cheeks.

"Why would you think that?" I was seriously concerned for such a thing had never occurred to me.

"I still don't understand why someone like _you _would go fro someone like _me _and not run after someone like Christine." I sucked in my breath sharply at the name. The name of the girl who had pushed me to do the only thing I never wanted to do to my angel. Change her into something she was not.

Christine had tried in many ways for Bella to leave me. She kissed me while Bella was there, she taunted me with thoughts I'd rather forget and as a last resort, she took Bella secluded part of the forest that enclosed her house, and left her there. I felt the rage bubble up inside me and I tried to control myself. Nevertheless, was such a thing possible?

"Bella, I would never – I repeat _never_ – abandon you! For whatever childish reason, you will not be getting rid of me so easily!" I gasped, my hand moving to cup her face.

"Edward calm down! You KNOW what will happen, please! It was just a thought! A stupid thought I uttered, OK? Forget it! Can you blame me? I have the sexiest, sweetest, nicest guy as my fiancé and lots of girls are after him. Excuse me for worrying!" she had tried to make a joke out of it but I could see clearly the worry and fear in her eyes. I never wanted to change in her presence and I had never done so. Being a werewolf/vampire was something no one had ever heard of, and I had just discovered recently what happened to me every time that black fog seemed to engulf me and take me under . . .

I bent my head so I could kiss the outline of her lips and I immediately felt her melt. She shaped her mouth round mine and wrapped her arms around my neck.

She was my angel, my darling angel and I was going to make sure I never hurt her.

Never.

Or so I thought.

With the wedding only weeks away, Bella was starting to panic as I packed our stuff for a week in Seattle where we were going to 'announce' our engagement to Charlie. Wasn't I supposed to be the one panicking? Charlie hated me by sight and just the thought of us getting married might cause something not so wanted . . .

Alice kissed me once on the cheek. Her thoughts clearly told me _everything is fine. No bad weather and a pretty good journey. I couldn't see what happens when you get to Seattle and see Charlie but I think things should go pretty smoothly . . ._

I grimaced at the word 'smoothly'. I knew there would be a little trouble with Charlie, but he had to know one way or another, and face to face was the best. I don't believe in a phone call or an e-mail when you announce an engagement and nor does Bella, so we were on the same level there . . .

I opened the passenger's door of Volvo open so Bella could get inside and she huffed at me,

"What's wrong with my truck?"

"Not fast enough." I grinned, getting into the driver's side. Bella instantly leant forward and kissed me on the lips.

"Are you sure you want to do this? I have a feeling Charlie won't like it and the last thing I want is you two to fight." I grinned at her and brushed the hair off her face; I was sure, and I wanted this so much for us I'd go into any risk to achieve it.

"I'm sure, Bella. Now stop worrying and relax, OK? We have a long drive,"

"Not if you drive!" she interrupted me.

"We have a long drive and I don't want you to be hyperventilating by the time we pull in front of his house. So, relax and enjoy the drive." I put the car in gear and slowly – for me anyway – I backed out of the driving way. Rain was pelting down as it was a common thing down here in Forks and Bella grimaced at me. So much for good weather as Alice had promised!

"Huh, how can I relax when I know you two will be at each other's throats as soon as we get in there?" As soon as she realised about the remark on throats, she looked guiltily down. I wanted to reassure her somehow, but I knew if I said something, I would probably make it worse. So I settled for squeezing her arm gently and turning my eyes back to the road. The rain slashed hard across the windscreen and more than once Bella told me to pull over so we could wait for the worst to past but I told her again and again not to worry. The rain quickly turned into a storm and by the time we got to Seattle, it was so dark that it seemed nighttime instead of late afternoon.

I parked the car in front of the house and got out. Charlie must've got off with quite a rich girl to own a house like this. It had a large front garden and a terrace where a couple of sun lounges were situated under a big umbrella. In this storm, the umbrella whipped form one side to the other and the windows whistled. Bella got out after me and quickly gripped my hand tight in hers.

"I can't to this, love." She whispered. I leant down and kissed her once on the lips before tugging on her hand.

"It'll be OK, I promise. We'll go in, give him the news and if things start to go for a bad turn, I'll take you straight to our hotel. I don't want a fight and I don't want you to be in the middle of this."

Bella sighed and rapped three times on the door. We stood out there for a good three minutes before someone opened the door. In the short time we waited, I deciphered everything Bella was thinking: _what if Dad notices my eyes colour change? Or that I look paler – if that were possible – than the last time he saw me?_ I squeezed her hand and just then, the door opened and Charlie welcomed us with a big grin.

_Or if he notices that, I'm death cold and rock hard? _Bella's thoughts went on.

"Edward, Bella! Come in!" he ushered us in and we stepped into the hallway. Pegs lined one side of the wall where numerous jackets and coats were hanging from, and on the other were pictures and pictures of a pretty girl with red hair and blue eyes. Bella looked away from the pictures and fixed her eyes on the floor as we walked into the living room, following Charlie.

One sofa and two armchairs were set as a semicircle around a small fireplace, the sill dotted with small statues and golden ornaments.

"Sit down, make yourself at home." Bella glanced at me and her thoughts screamed, _get me out of here! I don't want to meet his mad woman of his and I don't want to tell him! _As I opened my mouth to say seething – reassuring, I hope – footsteps came down the equally wooden stares and a lady walked in, trying to pin her ponytail up with a couple of pins. Charlie enveloped her in a hug and she laughed.

Then it was our turn.

"Bella this is my girlfriend Lola and Lola this is my daughter Isabella." Charlie introduced us in turn. When it came to me, his thoughts more or less clearly growled _what is he still hanging around for? I thought I had told him to stay away form my daughter!_

_Edward? Can we go now and tell him some other time? _Bella pleaded.

_No Bella. We can do this, OK? Wait for a few minutes and we'll tell him. Relax a little; you're going to reduce my hand to dust._ Bella's grip on my hand instantly relaxed and she flashed me a nervous smile. Charlie disappeared through a glass door and came back, four glasses in one hand and a bottle of red wine in the other. The red wine reminded me of blood, also of the fact that Bella hadn't been overly thirsty like all the New Born's are. Actually, she seemed almost human apart from the fact that she didn't eat nor drink. We accepted the glasses of wine and Bella took a small sip to show that she was thirsty. I, instead, placed my glass on the coffee table.

The woman, Lola, sat on the armchair nearest to me and leant across to Bella. Her scent pulled to me but I didn't feel the burning of my throat when I never satiated my thirst.

"It is so lovely to meet you, Bella! Your father hasn't stopped chit chattering about you. Especially how you cook." Bella looked embarrassed and stared into her glass of wine. _She's coming on to you! _Bella taunted me with her thoughts and I involuntary scowled.

"Everything alright, Edward?" Sascha asked. I merely glanced at her before issuing a swift reply.

"Yes thank you. Just a little tired from all the driving." Charlie was talking quietly to Bella about his work as Chief down here in the big city, so Sascha could be Miss. Nice Girl with me and not get told off for it.

"So, how long have you and Bella been together?" _Mmm, tasty sweetheart this boy is. Wonder if he'll give me a pass? _How sick can you get?

"Oh, it's about . . . a year and a half?" I asked, turning to Bella for support. She smiled at me and nodded, tightening her grip on my hand, before pinching the back of it.

_I am NOT deaf, Edward Mason Cullen._ Her thoughts inappropriately hissed.

_Didn't think you were, honey. I'll make this up to you, I swear!_ I gasped.

"Oh, that's quite a long time, isn't it?" I nodded and inched away from her a little. _We should tell them NOW so this woman can get her hands off me. _Sascha was patting my leg in approval – for us or my body? – And it lingered there longer than necessary. Bella bit her lip and I wrapped an arm round her waist.

"Dad? I – _we _need to tell you something." Bella announced quietly – if such a thing were possible.

"Of course, what is it?" Charlie leant forward so he could place his empty glass of wine on the coffee table near my full glass. Bella took a deep breath and I whispered, "I'll tell them." She nodded and I suddenly felt that pang of panic come from me and not form the angel beside me – no, I was not referring to Sascha.

"Charlie, I have asked Bella's hand in marriage and she has said yes." I said, my words rushing together during the end. Charlie was silent for a minute before his face turned white with rage. Bella looked upset for her father to act so aggrieved at the situation on hand.

"Dad, I'm really happy about this. For once in my life something is going my way, can't you be happy too?" she whispered. I knew that if she were capable she would've been crying by now.

As I saw a death match brewing, I pulled Bella to her feet and towed her out.

**A/N: sorry, I know it's long but I didn't have the heart to stop! I had so much to write about there journey to Seattle and Charlie's shocked silence, I had no idea where to stop and start a new paragraph! ) don't fprget to leave lots and lots of reviews!!**


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

**CHAPTER 3**

**EPOV**

We drove in silence for most of the journey back to the hotel, but by the time I was parking in the assigned slot, I had had enough.

"I'm sorry for dragging you out of there, Bella, but I could see that we weren't going to agree. You know how Charlie feels about us, and I did say I didn't want you there if we had to fight." I muttered. Bella sighed and her hand moved to the handle of my Volvo. I grabbed her wrist and turned her to face me.

"Bella . . ." I breathed before leaning in for the kiss. Her lips parted and she kissed me back, her arms winding round my neck, her fingers tugging at my hair. One hand of mine crawled from her waist to her leg and I slotted my fingers behind her knee.

"Edward . . ." she breathed back, before kissing me harder but not fully. She kissed my lips once, twice, three times before I groaned and her lips caressed mine fully.

At one point, I pulled away and stepped out of the car, a dazzled Bella following me. as soon as she saw the type of hotel I had booked, she gasped.

"Are you _mad_? This must cost at least 500 per night!" she hissed, pinching my arm.

"Well, yes. it did cost quite a lot, but you'll never find out _how much._ Just relax and enjoy the stay here. I'll go and see your father first thing in the morning." Bella glared at me the whole way to the reception, where a lady with huge gold hoop earrings smiled at us. As soon as Bella picked up on the ladies thoughts, she growled.

"how can I help you?" the receptionist asked.

"I booked a hotel room for my fiancée and I, the name is Edward Cullen?" I told her expertly. She ran her long French manicured finger down the list – see what happen when you have a sister who is obsessed with these things? You become an expert in no time! – and highlighted my name. she gave me a key where the number 70 was embroidered finely on a piece of velvet fabric. I smiled at the lady and took Bella's hand, dragging her to our room. We climbed up two flights of carpeted stairs, and our feet sank into the fabric. Walking down numerous corridors, Bella looked at all the statues in the corners and the awards ;lined down the walls, until finely, we arrived to our room number 70.

I opened the door and gently pushed Bella inside.

I had booked a suite, completed with large king sized bed with red and gold duvet set. Cushions were spread around the headboard in a semicircle. On the far side of the room was a plasma TV and phone, sxo we could call room service or home. There was also a en suite bathroom, balcony with the best views of Seattle by night and mini bar with assortment of drinks – alcohol, too – and food. I hadn't realized I had been hlding my breath for Bella's reaction and when she looked at me I didn't look at her.

"You did all this for _us_?" she whispered. I still didn't want to look at her but I nodded silently. Nevertheless, Bella didn't seem satisfied, so I shuffled awkwardly to the bed and sat down. Bella closed the door and stood by the window, her back to me.

"The view is fantastic, Edward. Why would you spend so much money for only a few days? Why not wait our honey moon?" I wasn't going to tell her. Not yet. I would tell her when the time was right.

"I didn't want to wait for the honey moon. I felt like we were always around my family somehow and I wanted to be with you, without Rosalie making snide remarks about you, or fearing that my family might intrude on us any minute of any day." I lied. Bella sighed and sat on my lap, resting her head against the crook of my neck.

"You're crazy." She smiled.

"I know. I am crazy of the most beautiful angel here on earth." I whispered, running my hand through her hair.

She laughed and kissed me.

Blackout.

The next morning, I left Bella in our room so she could unpack and do whatever she did in her spare time while I drove awkwardly to Charlie's house.

After I had knocked twice and thought of something polite to say, the door opened and Lola stood there, a short skirt and tight sweater covering her body.

"Edward! What a lovely surprise! Where is Bella?" she asked, peering over my shoulder. I smiled at her and answered, "She's at our hotel. Still sleeping." Half true.

"Oh, well come on in! I'll call Charlie for you, yes? that IS who you want to see, I expect." She smiled and walked into the living room and up the stairs.

A minute later, Charlie came down, wearing his police uniform

"Edward, what are you doing here? I didn't expect you to come back after your escape last evening." He growled, pulling at his collar. _Why is it that this kid always makes me feel out of place? Is it because I KNOW he's good for Bella but I don't want to believe it?_

I gave him a wry smile and replied, "Chief Swan, Bella doesn't understand why you and I cannot get along. I know you have Bella's interest at heart, and she was worried before we came here and yesterday's performance on your behalf did not make her any less worried. I love Bella and that's why I want to amrry her. Bella wants you at our wedding, why can't you make her happy?" an abysmal speech, but better than nothing I suppose.

I could see a blood vessel clearly through Charlie's thin membrane. Charlie sighed and shook his head before flexing his fingers awkwardly round his gun. He strapped the holster expertly on and picked up his coat.

"Edward, you are not good for Bella and you know that. Have you noticed how much she loves you? This isn't going to last forever. Look at me and Renee, we married at eighteen, had Bella and then she ran away. I don't want this wedding to happen for one simple reason: you are going to break her heart one day, and the day that that happens, you will wish you were never born."

The speech did not affect me because I knew it was true. I knew that one day, somehow, I was going to hurt Bella in a way that would be reprehensible.

The minute I walked into the room, all thoughts of the argument with Charlie had gone. Bella lay on the bed, reading her all time favourite book _Wuthering Heights_. When she heard me come in, she merely lifted her gaze from the page she was reading and smiled. I lay down next to her, facing her, and watched her read the passage I had loved the most.

_And there you see the distinction between our feelings: had he been in my place and I in his, though I hated him with hatred that turned my life to gall, I never would have raised a hand against him. You may look incredulous, if you please! I never would have brandished him from her society as long as she desired his. The moment her regard ceased, I would have torn his heart out, and drank his blood! But, till then – if you don't believe me, you don't know me – till then, I would have died by inches before I touched a single hair of his head!_

Bella closed the book and smiled at me.

"What did he say?" should I have told her? Should I have told her of the argument between her father and I?

instead, all I said was, "He wasn't in. I'll try again tomorrow."

Charlie was right. I was no good for her daughter. Lie after lie will one day cause her pain, and what would I do without my angel?


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

**CHAPTER 4**

The day of the wedding approached quickly, and Bella was strangely calm. She would lie by me at night, talking nonsense and kissing me senseless, and by day, she would disappear for hours on end with Alice. It was only her to blame, of course. Alice would steal her for hours and when Bella came back, she'd be exhausted.

We fought more than once after we returned from Seattle. She found out what Charlie and I had talked about when I went back.

"You lied to me, though!" she screamed.

"No, I did not _lie_. I just thought it was unnecessary for you to know!" I retorted angrily, pinching the bridge of my nose between thumb and forefinger. She stressed me out to the point we'd start screaming horrible stuff to each other, and when I would see the look in her eyes when I said, "This is such a big mistake." I'd try to comfort her, but naturally, she would push me away.

Today was another one of those days and the nagging surety of my plan became more pronounced every minute. What choice did I have? Isaac had more than once tried to convince me that all my planning and resolving would be useless.

Bella slumped on the bed, head in hands and I sat next to her, my back stiff with annoyance. Everything had been fine when she was human, but now that she is one of us, something else had changed. Not only her looks and the fact that she was stronger now than she ever wanted to be, but something in me changed, too. I love her, but something made me scared she did not love me back.

I inched closer to Bella and ran the tip of my nose down her jaw line. She shivered and hugged me tight, whispering, "Don't go, don't leave me. I didn't mean anything of what I said. I'm sorry." And I silenced her with a kiss. Sighing, she kissed me back and I knew we were both forgiven.

"We have to stop these foolish quarrels, Bella." I whispered, as we stopped kissing long enough to catch some air. She nodded and rested her head on the crook of my neck, sending my heart into overdrive. I saw her lips flicker into a smile and I scowled. It was easier when she was the human, and I could tease her about all the flaws a human may have. Like the insistent blushing, the sound of her heart beating fast when I approached, the sound of it so louder to us vampires than to them human.

But an old 'friend' made me do the one thing I never wanted to do. Destroy the human Bella and turn her into a monster just like me.

I kissed her once more before I heard the front door open and close, the voices of my family flying up the stairs. I stood up and changed quickly, heading quickly to greet my family from their two-day hunting trip. Bella had never had the strong need to hunt we all experienced as new borns. In fact, she was hardly ever thirsty. She could go on for a few months without satiating her thirst whereas we could hardly go one a few weeks without harming ourselves.

The new Bella scared me. She was nothing Carlisle had told me she could be. It was great but somehow terrifying, for we didn't know when she might snap and the urge for blood may overtake her reasoning.

"You don't have to put a brave face on, Bella. The urge of drinking blood is natural." I had tried to coax her into drinking but she pulled a face and replied curtly,

"I'm not. I just really don't feel the need. Trust me, Edward." And, strangely, I did. I trusted her with my very existence, and I trusted her more than my family. Was this wrong? Probably. Nevertheless, I couldn't get enough of her. Her difference from us was fascinating, and her love for me never ceased. I would envelope her in my arms and that would make her face ache form smiling. It had always been her dream, to stay a whole day with me, not fearing that I might attack her any second, not fearing that I might crash her fragile body in my over strong arms.

But the power with which I loved her scared me. It was normal for us to love someone, but Carlisle had once noted that I was too scared, too vulnerable to let her go. I should've done that before things between us got too serious, but I decided to stay, and more than once endangered my angel.

Bella rushed after me, and Alice sprung at her happily. I greeted my father and we disappeared into his office, where he most probably wanted to talk to me about our _plan_.

"I don't think I can do this, Carlisle. It's too hard for me to stay away from her _two hours _let alone an indefinite time!" I hissed, softly closing the door behind me. Carlisle sighed and slumped in his chair, his gold eyes dimming with concern. I hoped Bella was not listening on, and I knew she wouldn't. She had always respected my father and my conversations. I would never shut her out from anything, unless my father required so. I leant heavily on the doorframe, waiting for his accusing response.

"Edward, I love you as one of my own sons, but you remaining here is not only endangering Bella's life, but your families too . . . the last thing I wish is for you to go, but we don't have a choice. You know what you are, and we know that your temper is unrestrainedly, and that the day you'll snap, you might take someone down with you . . ." he trailed off meaningfully and I knew he had won. Closing my eyes, I covered them with my shaking hand.

My life, my love. I was going to abandon her. How could I? I was a lying, deceiving monster! How could I break her heart like this? Carlisle seemed to understand what I was going through since he stood up and wrapped his fatherly arms around me. If I could cry, I would've right then. The thought of leaving . . .

"When should I tell her?" I asked, pushing him away roughly. Carlisle staggered back and told me when.

Tormented, I left the room and hurried to Bella, who was laughing at something Alice had said.

Kissing her neck, I guided her back to our room, with a thoroughly fake smile.


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5**

**BPOV**

_The day of the wedding approached quickly, and in no time at all I found myself stepping into the gorgeous dress Alice had pushed me into buying._

_Just as I was fixing up the bodice, there was a knock on the door and Edward walked in, his face unreadable._

"_It's unlucky to see the bride before the ceremony, Edward." I laughed. He didn't though, and I knew something was wrong. I distractedly started to tug on one of the crumb sized pearls on the bodice._

_Edward stood in front of me, his eyes cautious but unreadable. I didn't want to enter his mind. What if he was thinking something that might ruin my good humour? I was getting married for Gods sake! And I was already feeling uncomfortable with Edward here, staring, but unseeing._

"_I know it is." He murmured, pulling a lock of hair and tucking it behind my ear. His cold touch sent a shiver right through me, like it always did. _

"_What's wrong Edward?" I half whispered too scared to talk loudly. His face closed off from me and he snatched his hand back as if I had burned him._

_That's when I figured something was very, very wrong._

"_Bella . . ." he licked his lips and took a step back, "Bella, I can't marry you. I'm sorry." He whispered his eyes unreadable._

"_Oh." Was all I could master. My voice had gone. I was in shock, no feeling ran through yam veins._

"_You see, this was all a mistake. I should've never had changed you, never had met you. I should've left before things got too heavy between us. But I didn't. I didn't because I knew what you could be for me. You could be something I never wanted from Christine." I blanched – if that were possible – at the mention of her name. The name that had cause me great pain._

"_I thought we were over that." I whispered. _

"_I thought so, too. But as I said, this was a mistake. Christine was right. Her and I . . . we have too much in common and I think I love her more than I would ever love you." When the words hit home, I staggered back, the make up form the table falling to the wooden floor with a crashing sound. My face crumpled, and I knew that tears were blurring my eyes – my only human thing remaining – but I saw Edward retrieve the ring form my hand and pocketing it. I bit my lip, hard, to keep from screaming at him. I let the tears fall and I saw or imagined pain flitting across Edward's handsome features. He took a step toward me, as if to gather me in his arms, but before he could touch me I turned away._

"_Just go, Edward. Go you monster, you horrible, disgusting, lying monster." I hissed, my voice cracking on the last word._

"_Bella, I will always love you . . . in a way. But Carlisle was right. I can't deny what I am. I am not just a vampire but a werewolf, too. I'm sorry. You're not good for me." and with that, he left. The brown wooden door slamming shut behind him._

_When he was gone, I slumped to the floor, my head buried in my arms._

_I sobbed for all I was worth; trying to keep control of the instinct I could feel burning in my throat. And then the door opened and Alice walked in, looking at me as if someone had punched her in the stomach._

"_Oh Bella" she cried, wrapping me up in her arms._

"_He left, Alice! He said he never loved me. He said I was a mistake!" I sobbed into her arms._

_And then I was numb, falling into unconsciousness.!" _

Four months have passed and I still haven't' heard from Edward. Four months have passed and I still haven't fed. Four months have passed and I am living in a house somewhere far, far away. Away from the Cullen's away from my own family, who had come down for the wedding. I couldn't find a reasonable enough excuse to tell them it was over between Edward and me, so all I said was 'he's gone and he'll never be back'.

"Bella? You want something to drink?" Josh's voice rang out from the kitchen.

"No thanks." I replied. Josh had welcomed me in open arms when I flew from Forks to Phoenix. We weren't as awkward around each other as I thought we would be after a terrible encounter in a club after too many drinks. He was warm and lovely and caring.

And he was everything I had wanted since Edward left.

He came back in and sat on the couch next to me. I rested my head on his shoulder and let him stroke my hair, and plant kisses on me, too. It wasn't like I was being unfaithful, right? Edward had plainly stated he preferred Christine to me, right? So what's wrong in feeling comfortable with your best friend? The only one you could confide in? The only one who _understands _you? Even after you've been turned into a monster?

"Y'know, apart from being very had and cold, you are exactly the same as always, Bella. You haven't changed a bit!" I laughed and he held me tight. I daren't look at his face; just in case it bought back a flood of memories I'd rather be spared.

"Suck's doesn't it? Being stuck in this body forever." I muttered, arching my neck up so I could see his eyes. His expression was unreadable.

"Bella…"

"Yeah?"

"Bella, you do realise the effect this is having on me? Of you being here after all this time? When you chose him other than me? I haven't forgotten y'know." He muttered, pulling away.

"Me neither, Josh… and right now I wish I had chosen you and not him, coz somehow I know you won't run out on me the day of our wedding." I looked up at him and saw him smile a little bit. I ran a hand through his hair and he settled his head on my lap, like old days.

So many ifs made me want to turn the calendar back to the day when Josh had been stabbed. If only Jesse had listened to me and called an ambulance instead of stealing a car then I would never have been arrested. In consequence I wouldn't've moved to Forks where I would never have met Edward Cullen. If I hadn't met him then I wouldn't have met Christine and her homicide attempts. I would've been just fine and maybe even dating Josh, my closets best friend, the guy who had always been there for me.

Like now.

"I missed you." I whispered my voice catching. He opened his eyes and smiled.

"I missed you, too. After what happened at the club… I thought I could never go another day without thinking of you and how beautiful you are, and how much I wanted us to _be _together, but of course your heart belonged to Edward Cullen who ripped it out and smashed it into a thousand pieces." The last part, he growled. The sound surprised me so much I jumped, wide eyed. He sat up, his back to me and said, his voice a little more calm,

"If I could, I'd go after him and hurt him. Make him see what he did to you a thousand times over until he begged for me to stop. If I could, I would make him stay away from you for good, so you could lead a happy life finally. Maybe with me or maybe with another vampire."

"Josh, if you were a vampire, I _would _love you the way you want me to. But do you think that I'd stay with you for eternity and rob you of your life? You have a better chance at life than me, and you shouldn't waste it. Please don't." I sounded so much like _him _it surprised me. He had somehow said the same thing to me when I had first asked him to change me.

Now, I knew what he meant.

"Change me then." He growled. I couldn't believe how much he wanted to _be _with me. I knew that doing this to him, saying no, would one day backfire and bite me in the ass.

"I can't, Josh. I don't know how." I whispered, resting my hands on his back, my cheek on his shoulder.

"I'll ask Isaac to do it. He would know how. He's lived like this for hundreds of years." He muttered, ignoring me.

"Josh, please don't. I … don't want you to be a monster, like me. Because that's what I am. I'm a monster." I whispered against his shirt, "Please listen to me. I fear for you. I want you to stay human and lead a human life. Please." I was begging now, trying to make him see sense. My heart had stopped beating long ago, but I knew that if it could it would have been racing, waiting for his answer.

Finally, Josh sighed and turned around to look at me. He grabbed me by the top of my arms so I was resting against his chest, looking up at him.

"You really think that I would be able to go with another girl, after I know what I feel for you?" he asked, shocked.

"Act the way you've always acted around me when you _didn't _know how you felt about me. Do this for me, please. Lead your happy human life and forget that anything ever happened between us. It's easier for you to forget, you're human, and I know it'll take me a while to forget everything, but please _try_…" I pulled away from him and stood up, brushing imaginary dust off my jeans.

"Where're you going?" he asked.

"I've reserved a hotel not far from here. I'd better go check in." I muttered and started to walk to the door.

"The guys want to see you, Bella. Come over tomorrow. We were all planning a day out and…"

"You want to see me in the sun." I finished off for him. He smiled teasingly back at me and nodded.

"Yeah, Isaac never actually showed me, and I bet you'd look stunning. I always seen you tanned and I want to see you in the sun now." He tipped his head on one side and regarded me, his eyes smiling.

"OK, but we have to go somewhere secluded. I don't want to cause an accident." I sighed and laughed when he clapped his hands.

Maybe it wouldn't be so hard for him to forget what had happened in Port Angeles, as I thought it would.


End file.
